Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Success! We fucked roommates!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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