i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
