My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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