my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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