when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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