Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
