He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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