my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
