I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
