I'm lost and stupid without you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
