They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
