I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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