How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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