omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
