Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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