so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
