I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize