The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do vagina's smell?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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