party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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