I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
