Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
