Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
