I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
