his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
