Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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