the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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