your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
this boner is exhausting
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My feet surprised me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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