I will die if light touches me.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
