so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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