Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize