Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
