I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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