Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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