I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize