at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
