Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
