The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
