Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
