I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize