I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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