i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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