The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
