just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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