i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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