Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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