Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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