i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
