I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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