I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think a kid would responsible me up
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
