Ambien. No doubt about it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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