I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
