I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Pooping to opera.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
