oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
