Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize