All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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