You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
