he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
