The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
