And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
