Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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