Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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