Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Randomize