We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
