i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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