Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
