She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i came on her dog
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
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