I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize