We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Drunk is not a location!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
