you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
