new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
