idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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