I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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