I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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