Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
where are my eyebrows?
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