Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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