textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
