i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A bitchslap is in order.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
